(Click for the giant version, which may make you hyperventilate)

I mean … wow.

Mitchell has been doing a lot of press for V, which starts Nov. 3. She’s been saying some delightful things, too.

In Entertainment Weekly (Nov. 6):

[Kissing Angelina Jolie in Gia was] pillowy and fabulous. Honestly, you got lost in her lips. It was almost overwhelming, like a peach.

I cried for a couple of days [when Juliet died on Lost]. Evangeline Lilly and my sister came over and we drank until we fell asleep on the couch, which was not good, because none of us are big drinkers. We woke up and said, “Let’s do ice cream next time, okay?”

I’m a dork and a nerd.

In Time Out New York (Oct. 29–Nov. 4):

I’d compare Erica [her character in V] to Athena and Hera, because she’s both the mother and the warrior. Back in popular fiction, she’s like Sarah Connor in The Terminator a lot. And of course you’ve gotta have a little Ripley in there.

Every time I think I couldn’t possibly love her more, she shatters my expectations. She is somehow both ethereal and earthy. And she calls herself a nerd?! My head is spinning; I really do need to sit down.

I still think it’s a pretty good holiday as holidays go, but the ratio of drunken stupidity to fun spookiness is not so lovable sometimes. So when something kooky or bizarre comes along — without all the sinister mischief — I’m glad.

At first I thought this was going to fit the "kooky and fun" bill. But then it started to scare me. This morning on the Today show, Wanda Sykes stopped by to talk to Hoda and Kathie Lee.

Um, I mean, Elmo stopped by to talk to Yoda and C-3PO.

Where to begin? That’s more awkwardness than I know what to do with. The costumes are ridiculous, unless you think of them as costumes for Opposite Day. Goofy, off-the-rails Kathie Lee is a snooty robot, and down-to-earth, statuesque Hoda is a mystical midget. Shrug. At least Wanda just wanted to be Elmo because she thought the costume would keep her warm.

And then there’s awkwardness around the gay stuff. Kathie Lee isn’t quite sure what to call Wanda’s better half. She stammers, "well, you call her your wife!" Yeah, she does. Maybe someday the law will call her that too.

Wanda herself is awesome, of course, so there’s that. But (as Wanda says) the whole thing is just so weird.

Sigh. I think I need a popcorn ball. And maybe I need to watch Wanda’s HBO special again. I’ll definitely be tuning in for her new talk show.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Keep an eye on your drinks, ladies, because in Whoopi’s world, the right dose of rohypnol will leave you just conscious enough to have deserved it.

(full post here)

Um, no, I don’t think Whoopi would agree with that statement. But in her inelegant attempts to clarify the legal issues, she did seem to be muddling the moral issues. Here’s the relevant clip:

Troubling, to say the least. Still, I think Tommy Christopher at Mediaite goes too far when he says "some of the View crew" think that what Polanski did was "OK." (Christopher also needed an editor to correct the "plead" that should be "pleaded" and the "poo-poo" that should be "pooh-pooh," but then Mediaite.com isn’t exactly known for stellar prose.)

I do agree that it’s upsetting that so many people seem to want to give Polanski a break. What he did was disgusting, wrong, and — above all — criminal. You did the crime, you do the time, right? I don’t think that saying usually ends with "unless you manage to skip the country and make a lot of movies." As usual, Jezebel says it best:

… none of the ladies [of The View] tried to justify Polanski’s actions with the "defense" that he’s a genius artist who made groundbreaking movies and should therefore be immune to punishment. Because make no mistake: those people are flat-out saying they would refuse to give up a few good movies to prevent the rape of a child. Whoopi may have been wrong today, but at least she wasn’t that wrong.

Right on.

But about that clip, on an entirely different note: did you notice that Melissa Gilbert was the guest host? Isn’t it amazing to see Half Pint so very grown up? It’s as if Laura Ingalls has somehow stumbled into the 21st century, and I just can’t make sense of it. Where are your pigtails, Half Pint?!

In conclusion, The View continues to befuddle and bemuse me. But I’m looking forward to the premiere of Joy Behar’s new show tonight.

Joy, by the way, is on my fantasy dinner party guest list. She’d be great at keeping the conversation going. The other guests at my fantasy dinner party include the Clintons (Mr., Mrs., and daughter), John Waters, and Mary Murphy, but the latter isn’t allowed to come out of the kitchen until dessert — because you just know she’s going to be loud and soused.

How did I get from Roman Polanski to my fantasy dinner party? Hmm. He’s definitely not invited. And now I’m not so sure about Whoopi, either.

Yay

1. The Good Wife

Welcome back to my TV, Julianna Margulies. You’ve aged so very beautifully. Even the young, innocent (and ultimately way less interesting) Carol Hathaway would be jealous.

(I could do without the “wife” part of the show, but oh well.)

2. FlashForward

If this show can crank up the apocalyptic and shun the sentimental, I think I’ll dig it. Even though Joseph Fiennes keeps weirdly reminding me of Esteban on Weeds. And even though the stupid CamelCase title annoys me. And even though I’m sad that Sonya Walger didn’t get to keep her real accent.

(But hey, apparently we can look forward to some lesbian characters? Bonus!)

3. Mad Men

Week after week, this show satisfies and piques and puzzles. Its detour into horror-ville was shocking and fun. And every time I think Peggy and Joan can’t get more delicious, they do.

4. The New Adventures of Old Christine

Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Wanda Sykes. ‘Nuff said.

5. The Office and Parks and Recreation

The first one goes without saying. The second is finally coming into its own. Poehler!

6. Whatever, Martha!

Are you watching this show? No? Why not? Imagine a snarky vlog that’s actually watchable (and is on your TV instead of buffering on your laptop).

Meh

1. Modern Family

It was a lot funnier than I thought it would be, but they can’t do that OMG-they’re-all-related surprise every week. And the women are mostly forgettable.

2. Glee

The most recent episode (”Put a Ring on It”) was an improvement, but the show could still be so much better overall. Jane Lynch’s divine comedy is keeping it afloat.

Of course, the coming-out storyline was moving and sweet. I wish this show had been on TV when I was a gay middle schooler.

But for the love of jazz hands, lose the lip synching! Also, take the opportunity to showcase some real choirs. I was in show choir from fifth grade through senior year (yes, and band and jazz band and drama too; I was a dork), and the top groups at the competitions were always awesome. They won’t need to lip sync.

Nay

1. Project Runway and Top Chef

Why are these shows so blah this year? I’m almost past caring.

2. Grey’s Anatomy

I watched the two-hour premiere in 25 minutes. And that was almost too much. Sara Ramirez and Jessica Capshaw, why are you wasting your time on this bilge?

Again, whew! Bring on the second week — I hope my poor DVR can keep up.

In order to express my own opinion of this idea, I must resort to analogies and images.

1. It’s laughable, like Max’s facial hair.

2. It’s appalling, like Shenny.

The Shenny Apocalypse

Veoh | Dailymotion | Metacafe

3. It’s offensively manipulative, like the death of Dana.

In other words, it’s probably going to be provocative, exploitative, and disgusting, instead of thought-provoking, revelatory, and hot.

It’ll be regurgitation, not resurrection. Seaminess, not steaminess. Risibility, not visibility. Salaciousness, not sensuousness. Profligacy, not profundity. I could go on and on!

But you’re the one who needs to go on, Mama Chaiken — in the sense of moving on. The rest of us have, and the post–L Word water is just fine!